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The need for validation, whether conscious or not, is universal.
We all want to feel acceptable, worthy, and not-kooky in other people’s eyes. Most of us are a little fuzzy on this concept, and for good reason: Validation can be hard to come by in everyday life.
Often, unidentified or unrecognized and invalidated feelings are at the heart of relationship issues and problems.
Understanding the fate of an invalidated feeling/experience is eye opening and can be a significant motivator to investing in learning to better validate.
PAOLI, PA—Worried that people will be staring at him everywhere he went, 45-year-old Harold Brauner was reportedly self-conscious and embarrassed Wednesday by the sudden, unexpected changes his body was going through. Tyler Corcoran was reportedly excited Tuesday to take over his dad’s old patrol route in Afghanistan.
To validate someone's feelings is first to accept someone's feelings - and then to understand them - and finally to nurture them. Invalidation, on the other hand, is to reject, ignore, or judge. Let's say one family member has very high validation needs, or one member is invalidating, or both have high validation needs, or both are invalidating?
Often, if we are experiencing a communication breakdown, or if there is a wall between us and someone else, it most likely has been built with the bricks of invalidation. Mastering it will greatly elevate your emotional intelligence and your of validation to feel good about themselves.
The latter is particularly true of people experiencing difficult times or a loss and of people who are highly sensitive, insecure, have low self esteem or who are easily intimidated.
This is a very necessary tool for dealing with people with Borderline Personality Disorder.
Validation of feelings is vital to connecting with others.